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The Surprising Impact Money Has on the Sex Lives of Older Women – Huffington Post

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Independent ladies, we’ve got some really good news for you. A new study says that if you’re an older woman, one who is highly educated and earning a good income, chances are you’re having some of the most satisfying sex of your life.

Research led by a McGill University doctoral candidate says that for women, education and money seem to bring women a sense of power. (Sorry guys, the same didn’t apply for men.)

“Women are at a more disadvantaged position in society and having those social resources, as well as economic resources, improves their satisfaction,” Xiaoyu “Annie” Gong, the study’s lead author, told the Toronto Star. “They’re definitely more empowered in the relationship, which leads to higher satisfaction.”

The findings, which were presented this week at a Canadian conference, analyzed data from a study of over 3,300 older men and women, aged 55-85, as part of the National Social Life, Health and Aging Project in the U.S. The respondents self-reported information about their sex drives and level of sexual satisfaction.

Women with higher income not only reported greater sexual satisfaction, but also higher sex drives.

“Having higher education probably gives them more power in the relationship, allowing them to ask for what they want and, therefore, they would have higher satisfaction,” Gong said in a talk at Congress 2016 on Thursday.

While married people, both male and female, were more likely to report sexual satisfaction, money and education helped women’s happiness in the bedroom regardless of marital status.

Interestingly, the authors note, money and education didn’t really affect men’s sex lives. Men’s satisfaction, they found, was tied to their own health and how often they had sex.

“Education and income increases one’s resources [and] that may help to improve one’s experience in the bedroom,” Gong said.

The findings come on the heels of other recent research which suggests middle-aged and older people’s sex lives are anything but vanilla. Another recent Canadian study found that older people are not only regularly having good sex, they’re also feeling more adventurous than they did a decade ago.

Courtesy of The Huffington Post

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Oral Sex – is it evolutionary?

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Going Down today in the USA.

Oral sex hasn’t always been acceptable to discuss in public. In 1997, the  Clinton – Lewinsky sex scandal shed light on the discrepancies that exist between oral sex and intercourse. The then 22-year-old White House intern kept in her possession a dress that still bore the semen stain that came from her giving oral sex to former President Clinton. Examination of both the semen sample and a sample of Clinton’s blood confirmed the semen came from the president.

However, Clinton denied allegations and recited the popular phrase: “I did not have sexual relations with that woman, Miss Lewinsky.” Meanwhile, in an interview with Barbara Walters, Lewinsky described her actions with Clinton as merely “fooling around.” Or, in other words, oral sex was just child’s play.

This scandal added to the misconception that oral sex is not real sex. Often young women are psychologically pressured into giving oral sex because they’re sold this story – that it isn’t really sex. Oral sex has evolved to be just as or even more common than vaginal sex among sexually active adults and teenagers, with it’s benefit of no pregnancy.

Historically oral sex, specifically fellatio, was seen as a social stigma, and was even considered a felony in 48 US states in 1950. However, it slowly evolved to become acceptable within marriages and known as an act more intimate than intercourse although it was not until the 1970s that oral sex was deemed socially permissible for unmarried couples to engage in.

So, how did humans come to adopt this sexual behavior?

The Uprising Of Oral Sex: The Animal Kingdom

Researchers have speculated oral sex has several evolutionary roots in heterosexual relationships.

After all, when it comes to sex, we are all animals, according to a relationship and sex psychologist Dr Walfish.“When you look at people having intercourse, it’s all about movement, noise, grunting, pleasure, speed, and losing oneself to orgasm as animals do.”

There is evidence that a type of chimpanzee called bonobos engages in fellatio, but this is infrequent and usually among the young. Because fellatio among bonobos is considered part of play, primatologists believe fellatio emerged as part of play rather than as part of sex since humans share up to 98% of their DNA with bonobos

The Evolution Of Fellatio,

A 2009 study observing fruit bats and their sexual behaviour suggests they exhibit similar human-like mannerisms when it comes to oral sex. The female fruit bat performs fellatio on the male to increase the duration of intercourse. This boosts the penis’ rigidity to make the erection last longer. At the same time, the female’s saliva may increase lubrication, according to the researchers, which prolongs sex.

Researchers theorize this effect has been transcended onto humans. Evolutionarily speaking, they believe fellatio will help a man’s erection last longer and improve thrusting during intercourse.  The extra arousal that fellatio can provide may be helpful in readying them for insertive sex — making the penis that much firmer, for instance.

Fellatio has also been linked to reducing the risk of sexually transmitted infections in male fruit bats. Saliva functions as an antibacterial and has antifungal, anti-chlamydial, and antiviral properties. After intercourse, fruit bats regularly lick their penises, which are believed to increase reproductive success and could provide an evolutionary explanation for fellatio in humans.

So, can oral sex also protect your offspring? Perhaps? Evolutionarily speaking, fellatio could have come about to ensure survival of the fittest via the birth of a healthy offspring.

The idea that “going down” on a man can help women prevent miscarriages sounds like fiction, but researchers suggest the science is real. A 2000 study found that with prolonged exposure to proteins in a mate’s semen a female’s immune system will acclimate to his sperm, as will a developing foetus. Women who regularly expose themselves to their partner’s semen, especially by mouth, help their immune system get used to the sperm.

In other words, because many of the “foreign” proteins in a woman’s immune system will come from the father’s genes in her body, her baby will be more likely to accept them with regular exposure. Typically, disorders during pregnancy stem from a woman’s immune system viewing a foetus as a “foreign body.” Although unconventional, swallowing semen could help carry pregnancies to full term, according to this study.

The Evolution Of Cunnilingus

Some hypothesise that, similar to fellatio, cunnilingus helps keep partners faithful. A 2013  study questioned 240 men in committed, sexual, heterosexual relationships to observe whether they perform oral sex to boost their female partners’ satisfaction with their relationship, thereby decreasing the probability she will cheat and potentially get pregnant by another man. The research showed that men who were most likely to report getting their partner to orgasm during oral sex were more likely to think their woman was sought after by other men. According to this study men are more eager to please partners who they believe have better options and thus may perform cunnilingus to keep their mates from cheating. Also cunnilingus before intercourse can improve the experience of intercourse for women, if it increases the degree of arousal she feels, which in turn will often make the difference between boring or even unpleasant intercourse and satisfying intercourse.

Oral Sex: What’s Your Pleasure?

The evolutionary roots of cunnilingus and fellatio are open to interpretation, however, engaging in oral sex is a way to stay connected to your partner. It’s often considered very intimate, even more so than penetration.  The act is purely selfless because you give while receiving nothing in return. This shows you care about your partner and their needs, not just your own.

Perhaps oral sex doesn’t have an evolutionary purpose, or perhaps it does, but one thing that’s clear — once you relax and let go, you only have more pleasure to gain, and less to lose

Courtesy of  Medical Daily USA May 2016

http://www.medicaldaily.com/oral-sex-going-down-evolutionary-roots-386318

Gone were the days of emotional restraint.

Women do want sex

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Women want sex for the sake of sex just as much as men, it’s just that they mostly don’t allow themselves to admit it. When they do, both men and women will be able to be more honest with one another and enjoy sex more!

Women are naturally sexual beings.

Allowing women to give themselves permission to be the fully sexual beings that they naturally are is a large part of the work as a sex therapist that I do.

It arises from the suppressed  nature of our male dominated society and it is one of the most important pieces of work a sex therapist can do with someone who has sexual issues.

In subtle and not so subtle ways our culture still tells us repeatedly  that women are allowed to be “sexy” – that is that they are permitted to evoke sexual desire (usually by looking a certain way which conforms with our society’s idea of idealised youth-centric beauty).

Meanwhile, men are given permission to be “sexual” – that is to act out their sexual impulses and to express them. This is seen so clearly not only in pornography but in the media imagery around women and their bodies.

Women’s internalised beliefs about sex

The sad thing is that men have done such a great job of suppressing female sexuality that most women have internalised the belief themselves. What, you may cry, not I! But ask yourself, do you really allow yourself to access your full desires? Do you dare to admit to yourself what you truly long for?

This denial of female sexuality means that both men and women suffer. When a woman disowns her sexuality it is all too common to project that out onto others. Sexually active women become sluts and men become “only interested in one thing” or labelled as lewd, base, sex obsessed perverts or, at worst, potential abusers.

Giving yourself permission to enjoy sex

One of the reasons for the success of 50 Shades is, I suspect, that it gives women permission to get in touch with some of those long suppressed desires. It is only a relatively recent myth that men want sex more than women. Until 200 years ago, it was believed that women needed to orgasm in order to get pregnant. Sadly modern science in the 19th century disapproved that wonderful idea and with it the importance of female sexual pleasure declined and women’s pleasure assumed a less important role.

My experience is that when a woman truly gets in touch with her desire, it is stronger than in most men. As a man, unless you’re trained in Taoist or tantric practices of retaining your ejaculation (or you’re 20 years old) once guys have ejaculated that’s usually them done for a bit. Women on the other hand, have the potential to have as many orgasms as they can handle.

This high libido caused men to fear the infidelity of their women and hence encourage the suppression of female sexuality. Most women have bought into this by believing that suppressing their desires to fit in a monogamous relationship is a fair trade for the supposed security it offers. Yet studies show that the numbers of women cheating in relationships is roughly the same as men.
The idea that women want emotional connection and men want physical sex is also a myth.

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sensual and sexual red lips

Sensual AND sexual energies create the X Factor

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Fast or slow sex?

Our whole culture tells us that we should do more, do it faster, do it now – not just in sex but also in everything we do. All these messages may lead us to feel that we should speed up and that packing in more experiences, more work, more play is good. In sex the opposite is more often true.

Instead of speeding up we would suggest that you would benefit much more from slowing down. Fast sex has a certain type of energy that can feel delicious on some occasions but overall we have found that slowing things down leads to much deeper and more authentic sex.

If we focus on speeding up sex we are in effect getting it over with as fast as possible. It is a strange contradiction about sex that whilst many people spend a huge amount of their time thinking about sex, when they are in a sexual experience most rush towards orgasm, which is actually the discharge of that sexual energy. It is as though they cannot wait to get rid of the sexual energy and stop feeling it in their system. The impulse of sexual desire seems for many people to move as fast as possible and therefore have sex end as soon as possible. This does not arise from the fact that these people are not enjoying sex, but rather because they feel unable to hold greater amounts of sexual energy.

The Build-up of Sexual Tension

You might imagine this as though a person’s sexual energy is like water. Imagine that the person has a container to hold their sexual energy. The container can only hold so much energy. Once it is full any extra energy would spill over and could not be contained. Most people only have a very small container for their sexual energy. If the energy they hold becomes more than they are used to, they may feel that it is “too much” and start to edit it or discharge it by having fast sex or by releasing the energy through orgasm and ejaculation, usually in the case of men.

Part of the process of learning to have more meaningful and authentic sex is to increase the size of your container. Size matters – but not the way portrayed in pornography. Do you know how you feel as you begin to allow more sexual energy into your system without rushing to discharge it? Again by being present with what is there in each moment you can become aware of more subtle sensations.

The tendency for most people is to chase orgasm and to get to that place as fast as possible. When we do this we feel the euphoric release of orgasm or ejaculation but if we have rushed to get there, the amount of pleasure we can feel will typically be small compared to what is possible. Imagine a balloon being filled with air. If we burst the balloon after a few breaths into it, when it bursts there will be a small pop. However if we fill the balloon to capacity before bursting it, there will be a satisfyingly large explosion since more pressure and tension has built up in the balloon.

The same is true of orgasm. The faster we reach orgasm, the less intense and satisfying it will be. By slowing down we give ourselves the possibility to increase the erotic tension and this will feel even more pleasurable when it is released. Building sexual energy slowly over time not only gives us more intense pleasure but also creates a heightened sense of anticipation.

The longer gratification is delayed the better it feels when we finally let ourselves go there. Long slow periods of bodily caress and foreplay build erotic tension. Focusing on the whole body and its pleasure moves the energy away from the genitals and incorporates the whole body into the experience of pleasure. Slowing down touch on the genitals themselves allows us to increase the erotic energy there before we let ourselves discharge it.

Slowing down not only increases the amount of erotic energy we are holding in our system but also gives us awareness of new and subtler levels of sexual feelings.

What is sex?

Sex is such a variety of activities, and the only thing they have in common is the energy that arises in us; the felt experience. As suggested, this energy can move from not being felt at all to a highly charged state. How does this happen? How do we create the flow of desire that allows us to experience sex as a process, happening over time? The clue is to look at the difference between sensual and sexual energy.

Sensual energy

Sensual energy refers to the experience arising from our senses; from smell, touch, taste, sound and a felt sense. Sensuality is a whole body experience in the sense that all body parts and all senses are able to experience pleasure, and a sensual experience is defined by creating a general sense of well-being. Because sensuality arises from the senses it is experienced in the moment, and it is an experience with no urge to ‘go anywhere’. This is why we can be sensual, ‘cuddly’ with our friends, pets and children, where sexual energy would be inappropriate. In relation to others, sensual energy is therefore first and foremost a connective energy. It brings us into embodied presence with the other, which creates a sense of well-being. Neurologically, our parasympathetic nervous system is activated, which makes us feel relaxed, loving and open.

Sexual energy

Sexual energy is different. Although sexual energy can be felt in the whole body, it has a specific focal point that gives it a particular quality. This focal point is mainly felt and experienced in the genitals, and even though other body parts can be stimulated, the main focus keeps returning to the genitals. Also, it is innately charged with an increasing intensity. Sexual energy gives us the feeling that it wants to “go somewhere”; it wants to peak in the orgasm and discharge the energy. Compared to sensual energy as embodied presence, sexual energy therefore feels much more goal oriented. In essence it is a drive. It is the life force energy that wants to express itself. Connection and pleasure of the moment becomes secondary to this urge for the ultimate pleasure. It can feel like the energy itself is taking over. We surrender, ultimately, to the orgasm; and in that we surrender to something greater than ourselves.

Fulfilling sex

Fulfilling sex consists of an interplay between sensual and sexual energies. It is embodied presence with the other as well as life force energy wanting to express itself in the ultimate surrender. If we think that sex is about genital contact until we orgasm, we get trapped in a reductive idea of sex. This is very much the reductive focus of pornography. Ultimately this deprives us from the pleasure and energetic connection that is authentically experienced in the moment. By consisting of sensual and sexual energies, sex can be a full body, connective experience of flow. For this to happen we need to allow both sensual and sexual energies to arise and be expressed. Sensuality gives us the connectivity, and sexuality gives us the urge to surrender.

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